Hope in Present Form
October 21st, 2015

I've been thinking about the use of 'Hope' the other day.

The way it functions in my life is such that it projects really half-full glass bottles unto
my future. Consequently 'I hope therefore I expect' becomes my unspoken credo my
day-to-day runs on.

It is given that I have longed for the reconciliation between all the theories of Zen my
mind cooks up and the Freudian impulses my gut instinct succumbs to for a long time
now - and this reconciliation will have to happen at the center of the conflict, on the
battle ground which, of course, is my heart.

But I can't help but think what if my use of 'Hope' has been perhaps aggravating my
situation this whole time? When my mantra is to 'live in the moment' then how can I, at
the same time, hope that things will get better?

Because I'm human would be the cop-out answer.

The not-so-lazy explanation would point to my lack of practice. I have substituted
discipline & meditation with brooding in the abyss of my silent  'Why not me yet?'
complaints.

Although both are valid points, one clearly more than the other, I am still feeling
compelled to split yet another strand of my philosophical (h)airs to "clarify" the stealth of
my inertia and the decrepitude of my stillness.

This is to say, what if I hoped to live in the moment more? What if, instead of wishing
to be more of something later, I hoped to recognize what I already have now?

What if I devoted all the power of my 'Hope' into serving only the moment I am
breathing in and nothing else?

The idea here is if I can condition my 'Hope' to seek only for the present moment,
wouldn't I also be curtailing my expectations - or  at least contain their wear and tear on
me?

The operative word here being 'condition', what I hope to accomplish by attempting this
philosophical adjustment is to make my gut responses to the environment I'm living in as
close to the impulses of a centered person as it can get.

'A truly centered person' - I bet irony assumes - 'has only one impulse and that is to have
none.'

Which is why I hope.